This week, I am yearning for The Legend of Camelot on PS2.
Yes, it’s another Phoenix game. What can I say; I have a problem. An addiction, if you will. To shitty games.
Legend of Camelot is another one of Phoenix’s godawful republishings of a Dingo Pictures cartoon, which they had previously made a game about under the Midas Entertainment name. And when I say “made a game about” I mean that in the loosest sense. The waistband of my gym leggings after a year-long lockdown is tighter.
The Dingo Pictures cartoons are some of the worst examples of animation, storytelling, and voice acting ever known to man. The games about them simply feature said animated film, and some weak mini-games based on said film. Yes, it’s terrible. So you can see exactly why I get very excited about these titles. I’m basically a sadist, but with games.
There exists a PS1 version and PS2 version of most of the Dingo Pictures “games”, and The Legend of Camelot is no different. I want them both. Because both “games” use what is quite possibly the absolute worst Dingo Pictures film ever made. But also, said Dingo Pictures film isn’t entirely animated like they usually are. It features live-action too, and it’s godawful and I need to make a review about it.
Here’s the PS1 version, named The Sword of Camelot. It was released in 2000
The characters depicted on the cover here don’t appear in the Dingo film. Or at least, they don’t look like that. I’m pretty sure the dragon doesn’t show up at all. There is a dragon in the 1998 Warner Bros film Quest for Camelot though, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s where those characters are lifted from.
The box art for the PS2 version is a thing of sheer beauty. Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Be sure to avert your eyes if it hurts to look at – this is normal for all seminal pieces of artwork.
Why is there a bald eagle. Excuse me, love – you with the crown with the egg in it for some reason – can you tell me why there is a bald eagle?
Last I checked, we don’t get eagles in Britain. You know, where the legend of Camelot is set. I mean, that’s obviously the least of the worries here – but I like to start with the small issues. That way we can build up to the random clip art of a whatever kind of bird that is in the middle, the decidely pointy nature of the dude on the left’s beard and most importantly; the mens’ faces. Oh god, the faces.
This is Merlin and King Arthur, looking like they have just wandered in from the set of Thomas the Tank engine. Not exactly the big, badass look one might expect from such a key British legend. It’s no wonder Guinevere ran off with Lancelot, she was probably terrified to look at her husband.
Now the Dingo Pictures titles which feature on these works of art are avaible on VHS. All of the animation company’s cartoons were released into the wild on VHS or DVDs in Europe, although they are not easy to come by. Apparently there were also audio tapes made, which makes sense since the actual visuals of the toons really have no reasons to be there.
The reason I’m lusting after this classic in the game format rather than video format is simply because I’m a game collector rather than a mixed media collector. I don’t even have a VHS player. I do have a PS1 and a PS2 though, and it is my sincere wish that both machines get to munch through every single Dingo Pictures “video game” before I die. It’s a bucket list goal.
THIS WEEK’S HONORABLE MENTION: PACCIE ON PS2
Another Pheonix title. I laughed at the adorable little green dude on the cover art for a solid ten minutes, before realising how racist the title sounds when said out loud, and laughed for another ten mintues. Joy was had. However, very sadly, it’s not likely this one was ever released – not under this name, anyway.
I am so sure I’ve seen it on an insert in one of my other Phoenix games, but after a quick rustle about I couldn’t find anything.
Also, there’s no mention of a game by this name on any of the pages of Phoenix’s website on Internet Archive. However, there was a game called Gobbler – which obviously, is a Pac-Man clone – which they chucked onto their PS2 game Retro (a compilation of 8 classic-style games).
So quite possibly, that cover was a concept made if Gobbler was going to be its own game – and the art itself was full-on nicked from someone’s entry into an art competition (according to this reddit post).
The artwork does appear on the archive pages of phoenixgames.nl (and its various mirrors) under the “coming soon” tag, with the name Block & Go. It shows up in the Jun 2003 crawl, and then never again across the entire website archive.
Neither a game called “Paccie” or “Block and Go” is listed on any of the PS2 game pages I trawled through. And that delightful cover art doesn’t appear ever again either.
Block & Go was never released, so much as I covet it I won’t ever be able to play it. This makes me sad.
Well, there’s your Thursday Yearnings. <3
