What a beautiful cover art for a kind of okay game. I’m not kidding, I would have that made into a poster and put it on my wall.
TRANSCRIPT (with omissions/additions)
Hi. A little while ago, I discovered my most favorite box art ever made. And then one of my delightful viewers sent me the actual game:. Crabby adventure.
Yes viewers, is this the best cover art for any video game ever? Spoiler the answer is yes. No other piece of carefully crafted graphical design has made me laugh so long and so hard as this.
That being said, let’s have a quick look at some of the other box art that have genuinely had me crying laughing. Just so you can get context on my deeply unattractive sense of humor.
Look at this rarely-mentioned Intellivision version of Donkey Kong. It has everything. Muscley Mario with a hammer, voluptuous blonde beauty, and an absolute horror demon in place of the titular gorilla. Why doesn’t anyone talk about this actual Nintendo-licensed cover art – can you imagine them letting this slide these days? What if Nintendo just went with that depiction of Donkey Kong for all future games, what a span of generational trauma we would all have.
Speaking of Gorillas, look at Killer Kong here. He looks like he’s just shown me a meme and is waiting to see me laugh. Or he’s just fed me a poisoned cupcake. You tricky bastard.
Then you’ve got Phalanx, which I know pops up a lot when people talk about bad cover arts but I think it’s genius. The marketers had no clue what to do for a shoot-em-up on a market full of them, so they just dragged in someone’s grandad, gave him a banjo, and slapped his picture on the cover art. He looks so confused to be there, it cracks me up every time.
My second most favorite box art: This cat. With a phone. God, that is wonderful in every way. It doesn’t even matter it’s not even technically a game, it’s for making mobile ringtones. I don’t care. I want this etched on my tombstone. Right next to the words ‘they died as they lived; miserably.’
Crabby Adventure is a game released by Pheonix Games – they were the absolute powerhouse of crappy PlayStation two games. They were formerly Midas Entertainment, which is when they got hold of some terrible films by Dingo Pictures and made them into inverted commas games. I have videos on them, most recently Animal Soccer World. But what I mean to say is, Pheonix was a publisher that had zeros shits to give. They took any old crap and chucked it on a PlayStation disc and had a very nice time.
First, I NEED to gush about the box art for a bit because come on. Also, I don’t usually get video games sent to me so I want viewers to know how special it is to get this.
Who made this art? I do not know. I want to know. I need to know. It’s such an artistic composition of intrigue, mystery, and emotion. So many questions, so few answers.
I am SO invested in what Crabby here is up to. Is he running away from a ship that he just sunk? Is the ship about the burst into flames? Underwater…flames? He’s so cool. And he looks like a crab with a purpose. I’m so invested in this horrifying sea insect, that I want to go along in his adventures like an overbearing but ultimately kind-hearted sidekick.
Crabby is a crab species called cancer pagurus, I think. I’m only going from internet research here, any crab experts in the comments will be sure to correct me and please do. He’s an edible type crab, and I did do the research to tell whether he’s a male or female of the species which is a waste of my life considering crabs don’t give a shit about pronouns. Let’s just go with he, I can’t look at any more photos of crabs it’s giving me the creeps.
Now the more you look at the box art the more you see. Yes, Crabby here at first glance seems like the main subject.
But how about the other crabs here? Look, here’s one sneakily sitting next to an open chest of treasure. I’m so sure that seahorse is about to be murdered by said crab – probably so the latter can keep all that lovely mullah for itself.
Look at this second seahorse here, perhaps trying to warn its friend about the incoming danger. this is tense. No wonder the seahorse got the box open so easily. Didnt even need to open the lock apparently, just flipped it right on open. The pirates that sunk in this ship probably deserved to do so if they couldn’t even manage the basic concept of using a padlock.
But the real drama is happening front and center, out of sight but until you pay proper attention. In that cloud of dust Crabby is kicking up is hidden another crab. and especially angry-looking one. I’m sure it has all just kicked off between this crab and this crab.
And look, this crab is running for the discarded sword embedded in the sand. You’ve seen that viral video of the crab with the knife? it’s all about to happen in real-time. Meanwhile, this crab sits in the shadows cheering on what is clearly about to be the fight of the century. This lad has his right claw poised like he is about to slam betting chips down on the table, he’s invested. Never mind whatever crabbys up to, I need to know what’s going on with these three – which one of them ended up being fishsticks?
What were they fighting over that was so serious a frigging cutlass had to get involved? Is this a disagreement over a cheating spouse or is it simply a boozy incident around the front of a chicken cottage? Also, why is that random cannon set up primed to go? Is that…is the betting crab about to cannonball whichever fighter he didn’t bet on? Someone commission this for Netflix already. Please, they’re running out of ideas.
I am exhausted just analyzing the cover art. I don’t know if I can even muster the energy to play the game. Crabby Adventure has already brought me so much joy, I don’t care if the game is rubbish. Let’s have a look at it, there’s no chance it can live up to the cover art but I’ve got time to kill and nothing better to do with my increasingly short time on this earth – so let’s go.
This game was made by Cyberplanet Interactive, a company specializing in casual games that you’re more likely to find on browser-based gaming sites or on your tablet. I couldn’t find definitively if all their games started there and were then ported to game consoles after – but knowing Pheonix, Crabby Adventure was already made and then the company bought the rights to make it into a PlayStation game. This PlayStation version came out in 2007, by the way.
Right off you can see the cover art Pheonix commissioned was made by someone who had not seen the game. This is not an unusual move by them, honestly. There is nothing here that is reminiscent of what we were promised from the box. Disappointing.
Some cute colourful crabs have lived under the sand for generations. But then there’s an earthquake! They look above on the sand and some idiot kid is playing with marbles on a beach. Which…who does that? You’re asking for them to get lost.
In a terrifying scene, the marbles roll towards an entrance to the crabs’ home. But it’s okay, Crabby is here!
It’s a marble shooter game. Like Zuma, but with crabs.
The music is the same all the way through. It’s not intrusive enough to be mega annoying as you can zone it out, and it helps that there are ambient wave noises. With the level designs being so sunny and cheerful, it’s not a bad gameplay experience. It’s just totally mindless, but that’s what you get with a game type specifically designed for killing time.
Aww look at the little dance he does when he wins. That’s cute. He also cries when he loses. Crabs cannot cry in real life. Or can they? Let me google that. No, no they cannot.
All in all it’s not a bad game. Functional, cute, the music leaves a lot to be desired but this is a budget game.
I used to think this style of marble puzzle started life in the game Zuma in 2003. It actually first appeared in arcades in 1998 under the name Puzz Loop. It was made by a Japanese development team called Mitchell co and as you can see, Zuma obviously ripped it off.
Unsurprisingly Mitchell Corporation accused Oberon media and the game publisher Popcap of plagiarism. The problem for Mitchell was that you can’t copyright the gameplay mechanics and the rules of a game. Zuma does objectively look very different, so I guess they were let off the hook legally.
At the time of making this video, there’s pure chancers on eBay trying to flog Crabby Adventure for upwards of 60 quid. I’m willing to bet it’s a Princess Diana Beanie Baby situation, where people saw something listed for mad prices and thought ‘oh yeah that must mean that’s what it’s worth, ill sell mine too for that price.’
Crabby Adventure is not worth that prices, it’s a Phoenix game title. They are mostly worthless.
According to pricecharting.com the game has been sold for as low as ten dollars and as high as 173 dollars in the last three years. CEX has it listed for sale for 68 quid, but it’s Cex and they likely took that price right from eBay.
I couldn’t find any reviews from big YouTubers about this game, which is usually how shitty games from this era end up with inflated prices, so why this game is so expensive is beyond me.
At the end of it all, I’m kind of disappointed I didn’t get anything like what the box art promised.
Hope you enjoyed the video.
